The Power of Role Tests in Personal Growth

For the first time in my life, it was okay to be me. I had finished my first personal development program, a week-long father/son rites of passage camp. I was 15.

Before this time, I hadn't experienced true acceptance from others, and therefore self-acceptance. It was like a drug. I craved this feeling so much I made my life from 15-18 dedicated to spending as much time in this environment as I could. School was a lonely place, my parents had recently split up leaving me feeling unsure where I belonged. On top of that, I knew I was gay but hadn't told anyone at this point, this was the burden of secrets. 

Finding somewhere I could be loved for just being me was incredibly special. The hugs, the words of encouragement, the reminder that I am okay, meant the world to me.

As I continued to expose myself to this environment over and over again, I began to accept myself. Slowly, slowly. I made my first real friend at school, Riley (who is still my best friend to this day). He accepted me for who I was too. 

Now I had acceptance in two places, with Riley and at camp.

Then my dad took me to lunch and said he thinks there is something I want to tell him. He knew I was gay, but wanted me to feel safe to express myself to him. I told him and he offered nothing but unconditional acceptance. Home was now a place I felt accepted too. 

Then something momentous happened. I turned up to a camp and had a shocking realisation. I didn't need to be here to get acceptance anymore. I had created it in the rest of my life, and it had become integrated into my sense of who I was. I knew I had outgrown my current reason for coming to the camps, after all, it was hard work, and I didn't feel I needed it anymore. I ended up staying, but from then on, I attended because I wanted to give back, not because I needed to be there to feel accepted.

Several years later, I was applying for a software developer job for the first time. In the interview, they asked me if I had a wife or girlfriend. I had a long term boyfriend, but this wasn't the question. I considered for a moment and made the decision that I won't work somewhere if I can't be accepted for who I am. So I told them about my boyfriend. I got nothing but acceptance and still to this day, I am proud of myself for doing something challenging and exposing myself in this way. 

It was scary, and yet I knew I needed to set a standard for self expression in my life. I decided I am not going to put on a mask and hurt myself for the sake of others, regardless of how scary it might be. 

At the time, I knew that moment was significant but I didn’t have the words to express why. Some years later, I encountered a method of looking at our lives called Sociodrama, it is both a way of looking at the world and a method for improving it. 

Based on the Sociodrama way of thinking, what had just happened was what we would call a Role Test. I had been developing this new role of "honest self-expressor" over the years at the camps and here was a chance for me to put that role to the test. Can use the new role in a different context under challenging circumstances? I didn't know in advance, but with a Role Test it’s either a pass or fail. Does it rise to meet the context or does some old (outdated) way of functioning prevail? 

I passed the Role Test in this context and have dedicated my life to developing a set of roles that provide me with the freedom to be who I am in many contexts. 

When we grow in a personal development sense, we are expanding and developing new roles and new ways of functioning that at first can only live in a very limited context. I could only express myself honestly at a camp when I was at a camp. With new roles such as my "honest self-expressor" was first being developed, it is like a new sprouting plant 🌱 , and they are easily crushed. To grow that role, it needs time, attention, love and most importantly, encouragement from you and others. 

For each new context, a role test often appears on first use, and this is when you discover if your new role is ready to live in that new context. 

Over time, after many role tests, you end up with a more or less uniform collection of roles that fill all aspects of life. This is why being the same person in many contexts is a sign of personal growth (assuming they are positive roles). It is a sign that you have developed and strengthened your roles enough that they support you in more or less all contexts of life. 

I now have iron-clad confidence in my "honest self-expressor" role. I know it is in me and fully developed to the level where I can use it whenever it is appropriate. I am sure there are many role-tests ahead of me, and I have confidence I will pass them, but I can never know until they happen.

What roles would you like to strengthen? What other contexts you could use them in? Give them a go! Give yourself a role test you think you can pass. Build confidence and expand that role into more contexts of your life. 

In my experience, it is incredibly worthwhile and personally rewarding.

Welcome to the world of sociodrama role development.

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